Something happened to me over the weekend in a TTRPG forum that highlighted perfectly the sort of behavior that I want to avoid here. Some of it was my fault, some of it was others’ faults but all of it is avoidable. I’ve collected my thoughts and organized them into some guidelines:
Keep your feedback to the point at hand. My mistake lies mostly here. I prefaced my reply to a question with a comment that in retrospect I shouldn’t have made-- I think I thought I was giving context to my answer but the reality was it was a subtle opening to turn the discussion from the topic at hand to something I wanted to discuss. Bad. I shouldn’t have done that. Don’t do that.
Be civil and friendly. A few posters were intent on adopting an interrogational tone with me. They twisted my words from literal exhortations of, “in my opinion,” to accusing me of stating facts of my own invention. We’re not putting each other on trial here. Be nice. If you can’t be nice, maybe give the discussion a pass.
If you goof, own up to it, and don’t play endless “devil’s advocates.” One of the posters who objected to my statements, posted one thing in one comment and then, in a separate thread, posted a conflicting comment. They literally could not both be true. We all goof, goodness knows I do, just drop a mea culpa and carry on. Our lives outside may be a series of contradictions but let’s try to leave those dualities at the door.
Allow folks to disengage. One of the posters I became entangled with kept trying to guilt me back into the foray. When I tried to opt for the “agree to disagree” escape gambit, I was accused of dropping so-called facts that I refused to defend. They deplored the behavior-- for shame, for shame! Let people go, let things go. Nothing we’re discussing here is really very important. If someone’s done, they’re done. Let. It. Go.
